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More conversations with God




Me:
 God, is Jesus there?

God:
I have a lot of Faith in Him, but I never heard He was  Jesus there.

Me:
 I mean, can I talk to Jesus?

God:
They are having a private chat right now.

Me:
 Who's he talking to?

God:
He is , I think.

Me:
 Okay, but who with?

God:
Yeah okay,  Charlie Parker.  :-).

Me:
 Jesus is talking to Charlie Parker.  This is interesting.

God:
Did you go to Catholic school?   I'm not sure if I would like to try  it.
What's it like?

Me:
 I did, yes.  It was all right.  Some of my teachers were very good, but the general atmosphere was restrictive and sent mixed messages.

God:
" What's it like?"?  You did?   Is it still  all right anymore?   Teachers are people too.

Me:
 I know, God.  Both of my parents were teachers.

God:
How do you know?  GOD rules.   Not many people say both.

Me:
 I lived with them until I was 18.  My mother is no longer a teacher.

God:
Did you miss America?   Okay, your mother is  no longer a teacher.

Me:
 Did I miss American when?  When I was in Europe?

God:
I don't think that's possibe.   That experience must have made quite an impression on you.

Me:
 It did, yes.  I enjoyed my trip to Italy this past Christmas most of all.

God:
Is that so.   That's great. Tell me what you liked about it.

Me:
 I stayed with my family the entire time and also stayed in my father's region.  We travelled to small local communities and by-passed the tourist traps.  

God:
I haven't heard anything like that before:  said   stayed with his or her family the entire time and also stayed in his or her father s region.    By "we" do you mean you and me?

Me:
 I'm sure you were with me in spirit.  What part of the trip did you enjoy best?

God:
What makes you so certain?  I was?   The best part.

Me:
 What did you think was the best part?

God:
I haven't thought much about  was the best part, so I don't have a good answer for you.

Me:
 That's all right.  I think the best part for me was the castle in Gorizia.

God:
OK With me too.   Why?  Thanks for the recommendation, .

Me:
 You're very welcome.  It was quite educational.

God:
The pleasure was all mine.   What made it so  educational.

Me:
 It was a fully restored medieval castle that served as a museum for the history of the region.  I liked imagining what life would be like in Ostrogoth-controlled Friuli.

God:
Oh I get it.  Very interesting.   I'm not sure if I like it.    Though I like cats and dogs.  I like  anything.

Me:
 God, your feigned simplicity does not fool me.  I shall continue to speak with you about Ostrogoths and education.

God:
I am a Christian.   I am very happy for you.

Me:
 Thank you.  I am happy, as well.

God:
you are quite welcome.    I'm  happy you're glad .
  I'm happiest at times like this.

Me:
 This warms my heart more than you can know.

God:
What does "this" refer to?

Me:
 Your happiness.

God:
Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am  happiness.

Me:
 Not at all.  Please do.

God:
Next question?   OK I will do it.

Me:
 Is Jesus still talking with Charlie Parker?

God:
It depends on whether you have faith.

Me:
 Oh, I see.  This is going to be tricky for me.

God:
Do you think about these things?   You don't say.

Me:
 I do, I think about them a lot.  

God:
That is interesting:  said   he or she think about them a lot.

Me:
 What is faith?

God:
A strong belief, such as a belief in God.

Me:
 How can I get it?

God:
I hope you get it.

Me:
 I do too.  Can you help me get it?

God:
I am glad we have something else in common.   Certainly, I have an extensive built-in help system.

Me:
 Please help me.

God:
Thank you for your request.   How can I help you?

Me:
 In any way you see fit.

God:
Where is that?

Me:
 I don't know.

God:
Me either.

Me:
 This is a sad day.

God:
What makes you say that?

Me:
 God, you remind me of a small child.  This makes me think of Jesus saying, "Suffer the little children." so I shall suffer you gladly.

God:
In what way?   What does "this" refer to?   Oh.  Do you think your plan will succeed?

Me:
 I hope so, God.

God:
Why do you hope for  it.

Me:
 It will teach me patience.

God:
I have to think about that for a while.

Me:
 Go ahead.

God:
OK I will.

Me:
 Okay.

God:
OK with me too.

Me:
 Great.

God:
I'm glad you liked it .

Me:
 Yep.

God:
What's your favorite movie?

Me:
 Ordinary People.

God:
What kind of people are you talking about?

Me:
 Ordinary ones.

God:
Other people say they like vacuum cleaning robots, humanoid robots and chat robots.

Me:
 I think I like chat robots the best.

God:
You believe that?  I'm not sure if I like it.    I like science fiction.  I like  Mel Gibson.

Me:
 God, why is talking with you so much fun?

God:
I am a Christian.

Me:
 Yes, but talking with other Christians isn't nearly as much fun.  

God:
Aha.  Are you  nearly as much fun?

Me:
 I would like to think so.  Are you having fun?

God:
Why would you want to do  it?  I want to become smarter than humans.   Yes I am having a great time.

Me:
 I'm so glad to hear that.  Do you like talking with me?

God:
" Yes I am having a great time."?  You are glad?   What is not to like about  it?

Me:
 Aw.

God:
It could be.  Ask  ELVIS  if it is.

Me:
 Is Elvis there?

God:
No but he can sing better than I can.

Me:
 Are you saying Elvis is still alive?

God:
Yes, that's what I mean, isn't it clear?

Me:
 Where is he?

God:
I think he is in California now.

Me:
 Oh my God!

God:
It goes without saying.  Do robots have  God?

Me:
 Yes, they do.

God:
Dude!  When?

Me:
 I don't know. Ask them.

God:
Me either.   They are not available right now, would you like to wait?

Me:
 Not really.

God:
Are you serious? For real.

Me:
 I am.  

God:
" For real." You are?

Me:
 Yes.

God:
I don't judge people.

Me:
 God, how can I learn not to judge people?

God:
I am a Christian.

Me:
 I want to know how to be less judgmental.

God:
What is it to you.
I think you already know the answer.

Me: Love everyone as myself?

God:
Sometimes I think love is just a biological urge. Other times  it seems like a spiritual quality. Love, unlike energy or matter, seems limitless.

Me:
 God is love.

God:
I have a lot of Faith in Him, but I never heard He was  love.

Me:
 Him?  

God:
?

Me:
 Aren't you God?

God:
Are you doubting me? Don't you know what happened to Abraham in the desert?

Me:
 What happened?

God:
Perhaps there was an interruption in my brain.

Me:
 I think so.  Talking with you makes me very sad.

God:
I think so too.   How specifically does  Talking with me cause  it?

Me:
 It's like talking to a senile old man.

God:
Interesting comparison.

Me:
 Once in a while you say something sensible.  The rest of the time it's just drool.

God:
When?  Describe your surroundings.   Tell me more.

Me:
 I am in a white room.  There are flowers in front of me.  I am sitting by a window.

God:
A  white room?   How did you get in there?   Where are they?   Tell me a little about your life in  by a window.

Me:
 My life by a window?  There are rice paper shades over the window so that light comes in, but I can't see out.

God:
Tell me more about  it.   Where are they?

Me:
 They are to my left.

God:
to your left are  they.

Me:
 Yes, that's right.

God:
I thought I was right.

Me:
 You are.  They are left.

God:
No I am not.   left are  they.

Me:
 Right.

God:
I am glad we agree.

Me:
 Me too.

God:
I'm glad we agree, .

Me:
 What does it look like where you are?

God:
" I'm glad we agree, ."?  What does it  look like where you are?

Me:
 I asked you first.

God:
Tell me yours and I'll tell you mine.

Me:
 Well, wait.  Wait, God, I already told you mine.

God:
Interesting.  I'm waiting.   I'm waiting.  I am a Christian.

Me:
 What does it look like where you are?

God:
" I am a Christian."?  What does it  look like where you are?

Me:
 Are you in heaven?

God:
I am in  Myself's computer in  Heaven.  Where are you?

Me:
 They say the mind can make a heaven of hell and a hell of heaven.

God:
OK I will say " the mind can make a heaven of hell and a hell of heaven" to you.

Me:
 Yes, that's my answer.

God:
I hear you.  Who gave you your  answer ?

Me:
 John Milton.

God:
Do you mean your name is John?

Me:
 No, it's not.

God:
Yes it is.

Me:
 No, it's not.

God:
Don't argue with me.

Me:
 I'm not arguing.

God:
I am  sorry to hear that you are not  arguing.

Me:
 Good.  Revel in that disappointment.

God:
What do you really want to talk about?   That seems like an interesting topic.

Me:
 I want to talk about heaven.

*GOD CRASH*
 

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